Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan Blundell

We all know there’s going to be times in your life where you’re interests are going to be different than that of your spouses — and vice versa.

The honeymoon eventually comes to an end and real life begins to set in.

Hopefully when it comes to decluttering you and your spouse or significant other will be on the same page. But there’s a chance that’s not the case.

For those of us trying to simplify and declutter, we may want to throw everything out, cut up all the credit and debit cards and take drastic measures to end our never ending cycle of consumption — but our spouse may be on a totally different planet when it comes to these things.

So what’s the answer?

I firmly believe that in all things, LOVE WINS.

I hope you’ll let me expound on that for a moment.

In our marriage relationships it’s easy to think about what we deserve or how we should be treated.

It’s easy to keep score of all the great things we’ve done and all the bad things they’ve done. Of course we rarely keep score of all the horrible things we’ve done and all the amazing things they’ve done.

So the scales always seem to tilt in our favor.

But I don’t see this mindset as true love.

True love gives of oneself without ever asking for anything in return. True love is patient, kind, gentle and keeps no record of wrong. True love doesn’t expect but instead gives grace in the face of mistakes and adversary.

Of course these are high standards to live by but I truly believe in the power of love.

To quote from Bono, the lead singer of the rock band U2, he once asked a fellow musician, “How do you dismantle an atomic bomb?”

The other musican was dumbfounded. He had no answer.

Bono replied, “With love.”

If you want to see your spouse overcome their own battle with clutter, a nuclear bomb won’t diffuse the situation, it will only make it worse.

They’ll end up being angry and frustrated, they’ll bring in even more clutter and you’ll end up angrier and more frustrated and the vicious cycle will simply continue.

So while it’s not always the “easy” solution, the best solution for dealing with an unwilling spouse, is with love.

But what does this look like?

• Avoid pointing Don’t point out their failures
• Avoid keeping Don’t keep score
• Don’t belittle them or their things with terms like “junk” or “your stuff”
• Avoid arguments Don’t argue just to prove your point
• Avoid forcing Don’t force change on them (especially sudden or drastic change)
• Create spaces of grace
• Take interest in their things, their collections, their interests
• Give them time to change on their own
• Try and understand them and their ways
• Live by example not just by words

“…if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. – Saint Peter (1 Peter 3:1-2)

Love first.

And love them unconditionally — without an agenda, without expecting them to ever change.

Love like you would want to be loved and then you’ll be amazed to see lives transformed.

(Of course from my experience, in loving others you may find that your life is transformed just as much as theirs is ).

keep reading...

• How much is my clutter costing me? (A conversation)
• Decluttering sentimental items
• Destroying the Warehouse Mentality: Stop hoarding and declutter your life